Today was a hard day, and it is always made harder when I am feeling anxious, because it is never quiet inside my head. My thoughts just buzz and hum and hiss at me, telling me that I am going to fail, that I am going to forget something, that I am not going to please everyone. But there is a gift in real quiet, real peace, real stillness.
1. I am grateful that quiet brings restoration, but only when it is with the Lord. “Idleness appears as desire for a quiet life; yet can rest be assured apart from the Lord?” St. Augustine, Confessions. I seriously get to read and dissect this truth for school. What a gift to read truth! I felt like I was having a quiet time and doing homework at the same time.
2. I am grateful that I can sit in my dorm room, on the floor covered with crumbs from oats and granola, and have a miniature party, all by myself, in the quiet of the mid-afternoon lull between class, while I read and study for spanish. It would have just been a study session, but there was cake, so it was a party. A quiet party. (The cake: funfetti with chocolate icing, leftover from Lauren’s birthday on Sunday.)
3. I am grateful for the moments at the end of each day, where I get to sit in my fluffy, wedding cake bed and reflect on why I get to be so blessed. And I don’t know the answer to that, but I do know that I am so grateful for moments like this one that is happening right now, where the world is quieting down a little bit, like it does every night. Although it never gets truly quiet on the sorority hall. But I like it that way.