Recently, I pinpointed some things that I struggle with: pride, jealousy, and fear. I think these are all pretty normal emotions, but people don’t really talk about them much. Getting them out of the open is actually terrifying, because it is vulnerable. Seriously, who actually enjoys being vulnerable?
However, admitting these struggles is so freeing. Because it is acknowledging that they are there, that they do not come from the Lord, and that He wants to change our hearts to be more like Him.
So, I am thankful for pride… and that this blog is something I have to sacrifice my pride for. When I write about how I feel, I am being 100% honest, I promise. And it isn’t always very pretty, but I am thankful that it might help people put words to their feelings, and it is completely worth me feeling kinda dumb and vulnerable.
I am thankful for jealousy, because it provides a heart connection with friends when it is shared in a healthy environment. It is vulnerability and it is ugly and maybe unwanted, but it is truth, and the truth will set you free. The gift of putting that feeling out in the open is that now there is freedom and peace in my heart.
Finally, I am thankful for fear. What if I can’t have kids? What if I make the wrong choice about what to do with my free time tomorrow? What if my friends and I drift apart and I am not a bridesmaid in any of their weddings in the future? This fear, this paralyzing set of thoughts, is completely false. I am thankful that when I say these silly things out loud, I am brought back to reality, and I am able to say, “Lord, I have no control. Lead my feet down this trail and help me turn the pages of my story. I want to know what happens next, what is just around the riverbend, and where I will see you in the midst of it, Lord.” My fear leads me to trust more deeply.